A different Limbo

Over the years, I have been used to being in limbo.

Am I pregnant?

Is the line dark enough?

Are the numbers going to rise enough?

Is there a heartbeat?

When will I start bleeding?

When will the test results come back? And what do they mean?

When can I try again?

Rinse repeat.


And then also during the successful pregnancy:

Is it still alive?

Does it have all of the right chromosomes?

Is he going to make it through this?


But now I face a different limbo. One that when announced a couple of months ago, I honestly wasn’t worried about. But now as the time goes by and it is looming over us, I am getting increasingly nervous.

I will not mention the name of the company that I work for, but they announced major layoffs back in November. Layoffs to take place by the end of January. Ones that they are waiting until the last minute for it seems. Which just ramps up the nerves and makes it hard to focus on anything else at work, especially when the week so far has been particularly slow.

You may remember, I only just started this job in March. Had I been here longer, long enough for my performance scores to be on record, I would not be worried. I am a great employee and my bosses agree and constantly reward me and let me know this. The problem is… they aren’t the ones who made the decisions. Everything at this point is really just ‘rumors’ but what seems to be true is that the decisions were made based off of these scores from the previous years and probably various other things. No emotion or bias. Which sounds great. We SHOULD be judging people at work based on their performance and behaviors. Not whether they are your boss’s buddy. But for someone who doesn’t have these performance scores yet, I am worried. I don’t know how they made the decisions. We do know that the decisions have been made though, and not by our bosses.

The things we don’t know:

When will this happen?

Will it be me?

How much severance will I get?

Will my child be uninsured?

Can we afford insurance on only my DH’s salary?

Do I need to start looking for another job?

Will I find another job?

When will this be over?

Just like in the TTC times, I wish I just knew. I wish they would just do the ‘Band-Aid” method.

It will be fine if I get let go. We will make it work. DH and I have planned for these such scenarios with our savings. I know one thing about this scenario, it would be the company’s loss. More so than mine.

But I just NEED to know. So I can move on. Move on from the company, or move on with the company and most importantly move on with my life. Because since this announcement, all of the plans we were making have been halted. No vacations, no visiting friends, no booking accommodations for wedding. No big purchases (necessary or not). Not many small purchases either.

I can live with the outcome. Whatever it may be. But I can’t keep dealing with this limbo.


Is it February yet?




11 thoughts on “A different Limbo

    • sbach1222 January 16, 2019 / 4:34 pm

      It is. Just trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of it. I hope they keep me too!


  1. Marixsa January 16, 2019 / 3:39 pm

    Oy. I’m so sorry to hear this. I can imagine how stressful it is waiting to see when/if that hammer falls and if you’ll be in the final count. “One Day at a Time,” as they say in AA; I guess you’re literally having to take it one day at a time, huh? And what a huge stressor to have dangling over your head each minute.

    I’ve been thinking lately about God’s provision in our lives, about how He is our source, ultimately. And even if you do get laid off, He won’t let you go. It may be hard still. But maybe He even has something better for you (even though I know how much you’ve been enjoying your new job). Or maybe you’ll get to stay after all. Thinking of and praying for you, friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • sbach1222 January 16, 2019 / 4:38 pm

      hank you Marixsa. I won’t be heartbroken if I get laid off. I know that we will be okay. We have been blessed in our lives so far and have been very smart and have made preparations for this kind of scenario.

      Also, while I am very grateful for this job and I do like the company (I don’t fault them at all for the layoff decision, I think it was a tough decision that ultimately had to be made) but I am not fulfilled in my current position. However there are also many perks, relatively low stress, and a 40 hour work week. No overtime required.

      The hardest thing right now is just not knowing. But I do take comfort in the fact that we will be okay and that I know that God will always have a plan for me. Thank you so much for reminding me of that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 30yr old nothing January 17, 2019 / 7:17 pm

    Damn, that’s really stressful. I’m so sorry. I do hope they rip the band-aid off soon and I hope your job is safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nara January 18, 2019 / 12:13 am

    How difficult. Thinking of you. It happened at a company I was at, and it was a horrible atmosphere. But once the decisions are made, you can make plans. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. andthewindscreamsmary January 19, 2019 / 7:05 pm

    My company had a layoff in May. It is so frustrating and stressful just waiting for the hammer to drop. Once it is over and you know I am sure you will move forward and make the best of whatever happens. But waiting is the hardest part. xxx.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. RJ January 22, 2019 / 4:39 am

    Wow how scary. Wishing you all the best and I hope you are not affected by this transition.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. AKL January 22, 2019 / 5:48 pm

    How awful for you. I also struggle with limbo situations. Something just knowing, even if it’s bad, is better than not knowing. Are you able to do some worst case scenario planning? For example can you get your CV in order and start looking at what other opportunities might be around just in case? It might help you feel like you’re doing something. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. rose February 4, 2019 / 11:20 pm

    Hoping you know the answer now and that your life is moving forward. THinking of you.


    • sbach1222 February 4, 2019 / 11:22 pm

      Actually, they pushed it back (no communication about it) and it started today. It is rough. Hopefully soon it will be over now


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