The final straw

I was sick with a cold for nearly 2 weeks. It wouldn’t have been all that bad if I just could have slept! But it is hard to sleep when you can’t breathe. Every day I would wake up hoping that today was the day I would finally feel better. I was supposed to have a meeting with my counselor last Monday, but when I ended up not sleeping well Sunday night I gave her a call and left a message hoping that we could reschedule. When she finally called back she was like “What’s going on?” I told her and she asked “So there is no way you can come in? Being that this is late notice?” Sorry, my cold didn’t give me enough of a notice for you….

After I told her I could make it happen if I HAD to, she said we could just reschedule (flaky, eh?). The rescheduled appointment was yesterday. She seemed in a bad mood since she answered the door, telling me that I can just come in after ringing the bell (My bad for using manners to wait for someone to answer their own door at their home) and then when I went to shut the door she told me to leave it, so the next person knows to just come in. It doesn’t sound that bad in writing, but she did not say any of this in a very nice tone. Okay, whatever, we all have bad days.

For the past week or so I was afraid that DH would not follow through on his month of planning a date, at which time I would schedule us with a marriage counselor. Well, he did follow through, he asked my sister to watch Little Bach and he made dinner reservations to a place he knew I had been wanting to go for a while now. I was really excited about it. Of course I still ended up feeling like crap that day, but we still went out and had a good time experiencing fondue for the first time together.

I told (We will call her Mrs. B) that he came through on date night. She asked what we did and I told her we went to dinner.

Mrs. B “What else?”

Me “That was it. He asked me what I wanted to do after we left there, but I was still sick and couldn’t even stay awake, I just wanted to go to sleep”

Mrs. B “So he didn’t plan anything else?”

Me “No”

Mrs. B “So he STILL doesn’t understand what you want?”

And then it got into her saying that because he asked me what I wanted to do after, that he didn’t do what I wanted him to do. I told her I was happy just to go to dinner! And he booked it all and set it up at a place that he knew I wanted to try for a while. And she was just really trying to get me to be mad about it!! “But… he still didn’t know what you wanted to do after. He still asked you and wanted you to figure it out.”

I was seriously picturing in my head leaping across the room to choke a bitch. I was SO MAD.

I defended him saying that of course he asked me what I wanted to do, he knew I had been sick for over a week and it is not just perfectly fine, but also perfectly logical for him to ask me what I want to do in that situation so he can learn what I was up for in my condition. (Which turned out to be nothing. Going home and sleeping).

She did not like that answer. I am getting fuzzy on the details of the conversation by now because I am just so mad. But she seriously kept trying to convince me that I didn’t get what I wanted and that I should be upset about it. “But don’t you think that he … didn’t do… blah blah blah”

Finally after our arguing she said “So you are okay with it?” In a tone that suggested she thinks I shouldn’t be (which was obvious). I told her “Yes.” And she just stared at me (mean look on her face). And finally said “K.” pause as she looks at her notes and then said “What else then?”

I was so mad at this point (10 minutes in) that I wanted to just leave.

I know that no one else was there and couldn’t back this stuff up. But just based on her words alone. Does this seem like a legit reason to get mad and be done? I am on my period, so maybe I’m just over-reacting.

I had other things I had written down to talk about regarding my husband, but at that point I had NO intention of sharing those. I really felt like she was villain-izing my husband.

I had to fill the remaining time with something. So I brought up one of the biggest issues for me, being my anxiety, and how it keeps me up at night some times, when DS doesn’t get up and cry at night I get worried something is wrong, I get up, check the monitor, sometimes I even go into his room to make sure he is okay. This is ridiculous, and I can’t keep doing this, I recognize that. Her response: “You have to stop.” Ummmm Thanks Lady… “How?” she told me “You just have to discipline yourself to stop”

But she didn’t stop there she went on to tell me how my anxiety could affect my son, which I realize is something that could happen and is an okay thing to tell someone on its own. But she described this at length. “He will see you scared, and then he will be scared and will grow up being scared of things that aren’t scary, and then you will have to console him and then what will you say to him?”

So here I am pissed that I have to defend my husband after making what I think is great progress (and isn’t this whole therapy thing about me and my feelings?) and now ready to cry because I feel like an awful mother. I really did, she gave me no help in how to stop my anxious feelings but proceeded to tell me the terrible things that could happen if I don’t. Well as you ladies with anxiety know, telling an anxiety riddled person about all of the things that can go wrong is NOT going to help ANYONE!

The most advice she gave me during this session: say to yourself “I’m calm, I’m relaxed”

That’s it.

Never even brought up the perfectionist thing from the previous appointment. Didn’t have the info on it she was going to give me. Nothing.

 

Am I overreacting? Either way, I’m done with this B.

 

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12 thoughts on “The final straw

  1. Marixsa October 23, 2018 / 1:29 pm

    Are you sure this lady is even a licensed counselor? My 6-year-old niece would be more empathetic and give better advice!

    I’d suggest to not doubt yourself and n begin considering finding someone more suited to your personality. I too have had my fair share of bad therapists (or, “therapists”) and it sometimes takes trial and error to match with one that works.

    I’m so sorry this happened to you. You have every right to feel angry. I mean, you go there to talk and get advice and whatnot, NOT to leave feeling worse than you came! I get that everyone has bad days; maybe give it one more shot before throwing in the towel?

    Also, hope you’re feeling better!

    Liked by 1 person

    • sbach1222 October 23, 2018 / 1:33 pm

      She is licensed… or maybe she is fooling a lot of people. But I’m done. Not her. I give myself better ‘therapy’!

      I am finally feeling better and sleeping. Thank you for asking.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. lifeoutoforder92 October 23, 2018 / 2:25 pm

    Move on to a different therapist girl! I’ve been with my therapist for 8 years and she has NEVER made me feel that way. Time to find a new one. Even if she was having a bad day, you pay her to be there for you so she should have set her emotions aside.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My Perfect Breakdown October 23, 2018 / 2:27 pm

    Time to find another counsellor!!! How she treated you simply is not okay!
    I have to admit, I realize right now I probably need to find a counsellor, but the experience you just described is the reason I have no desire to start the process.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sbach1222 October 23, 2018 / 5:04 pm

      I have no desire to find a new one either. Because each time you have to start from the beginning, and it can take so many sessions just to get our backgrounds out!

      It really doesn’t sound appealing to look again.

      Like

  4. Trisha (aka mom) October 23, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    She does it in her house? That alone shows a lack of professionalism.
    Yes, find another one. Ask around for a good therapist. Go on FB and ask on Momforce by Chatbooks. It’s the best resource I have found for finding new doctors, advice, etc

    Liked by 1 person

  5. rose October 23, 2018 / 5:35 pm

    support the finding a new therapist vote. GOOD therapist can really help. Wrong ones do not.
    Best wishes!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. AKL October 23, 2018 / 5:37 pm

    I agree with those who have already said to find a new therapist. These things are about energy and if you don’t have a good fit (for whatever reason) then it’s not worthy of your time.
    As for the anxiety, I also struggle with this. It’s irrational so you can’t just use discipline. What it probably represents is the lack of control you have in other aspects of your life. So maybe you’re overcompensating in areas you feel more in control of? I’m taking this herbal remedy called Sedar by Doctors Formula. I believe you can also get the active ingredient in higher doses in the US so maybe check it out. It is good for helping me at night but I try to use it only occasionally. https://www.doctorsformulas.com/en/product/sedar.htm

    Liked by 1 person

  7. There Is A Chance October 24, 2018 / 4:12 am

    Yeah, walk away. Sounds like she is busy telling you how you should feel than listening to how you feel and helping you process it on your own. It’s like she’s adding blame and not giving you any positive self-talk to get through things that worry you.
    Sorry it hasn’t been a better experience. My acupuncturist from years ago was the best. She’s since gone on to fill her own bucket and I’m happy for her, but sad because I miss her. Hope you find someone like her!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. RJ October 25, 2018 / 3:32 am

    Omg how awful. This woman is not a good therapist. You deserve better. Can you report her to somewhere? I have no idea if that is possible but it may be worth looking into.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sbach1222 October 25, 2018 / 4:19 pm

      I have thought of this too, but I’m not sure. And maybe she actually helps other people…? I am going to talk to a therapist friend and see what she thinks of the situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Dubliner in Deutschland November 16, 2018 / 2:49 pm

    I agree with the others, definitely look for a different therapist. She does not sound helpful at all! Your husband sounded like he was trying. And making someone with anxiety feel worse isn’t good. I remember my doula asking me when pregnant whether I was anxious. I explained that I couldn’t help it, that it was a much longed for IVF baby so of course I was nervous. She then started telling me that my stress would be bad for the baby, so she effectively gave me another thing to worry about !

    Like

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