So I learned something huge from the new therapist (Who I am not still sure is the right fit or not).
Last week after listening to me talk (for the 3rd time) she asked me if I was a perfectionist. I can see the confusion on my face, I am sure I looked at her like she was crazy. I fail way too much to be a perfectionist. Then she told me that people often mis-interpret the term. I took a “Am I perfectionist” test when I got home and… well, it actually fits me.
When painting or doing any house project, it drives me nuts when something isn’t perfect. Even when everyone else thinks it looks great, all I can see are the flaws. I often don’t start new home projects anymore because I don’t think they can be done as well as I want them to. So instead of doing something, I let the fear of failure/dislike stop me from even trying. When we go out to dinner (or anywhere really) I get frustrated the minute that something doesn’t go well (which is always with a toddler) and I tell my husband that we shouldn’t have even wasted our time to do said activity. Whether it is going to dinner or even trying to shop.
It has helped to realize this. But now I need to figure out what to do about it…
I have been looking forward to the holidays and my mom wants me to make a list of all of the things we should do to make the holidays fun like they were when I was little. And it is really easy to make a list and get this picture in my head of all of the things Little Bach will enjoy. And I get excited and really look forward to the memories. When in reality, he may not want to sit still and watch the Grinch, he may want to pull all of the ornaments off of the tree, he is going to cry when we meet Santa, it may be too cold for him to make a snowman.
DH and I actually talked about this last night. I need to figure out how to let go of my expectations and just take things as they come and be very grateful for the few things that do go right instead of dwelling on what I wanted it to be like. And not wishing that I hadn’t even tried the activities.
Seems simple enough. But I know it will be a big task. I’m ready to make some changes though. For my sanity and for my family.
Also… I got a candle from Kohl’s yesterday and it smells just like warmth and happiness.
Happy Fall Y’all.